so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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