the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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