shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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