but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
