Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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