dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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