just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
