My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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