Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
