Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
