Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
