I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
