you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
