Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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