Tell her she can't have a vagina
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
