I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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