Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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