omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont even know how to be here
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
