Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
