Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
