one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
