He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish you could order shots online.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
