Plan B is the new Plan A
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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