goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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