WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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