JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
