well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
3 2 1 whiskey
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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