I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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