Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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