you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
