If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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