dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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