It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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