So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
