I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
