Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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