the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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