it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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