yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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