Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
