so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just invented taco cereal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
