There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
