Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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