I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
