This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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