Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
