So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
