so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
