The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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