Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
