Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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