Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
