So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
