I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
