drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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