I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
