Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
