i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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