Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
