I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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