I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
