I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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