Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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