dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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