forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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