i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
