All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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