Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
