just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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