All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drake has all the answers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
