can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
