I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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