I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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